Expelling Emotions like Summer, Sza, and Mariah

I wish I could articulate my emotions in a creative manner like our favorite RnB girls

Artists are lucky. They have a creative outlet to expel their emotions. A less creatively inclined person may hold it in, become reactive, or talk to a friend/professional. There's something magical about turning your sorrows into art. We are all artists in our own right; it's about nurturing and protecting that side of us, and this is my attempt. 

I cry a lot. There was a period when I was genuinely concerned about how often I cried. I thought something was wrong with me; hell, I still think that. Journaling has made it easier to manage my emotions, but not as much as it used to. Writing helps me work through it, but sometimes, I can't seem to detach from those negative feelings.

I've gotten more emotional as I continue to age. It's probably a combination of validating my emotions, the overall dread of becoming aware of society's problems, and the constant quarter-life crises. Not to sound apocalyptic, but that's the reality of my anxiety and stress. 

Anyway,  journaling is not working for me anymore. I still feel deeply attached to emotions/situations I may have already processed and written about. It's like no matter what, I will feel a lump in the back of my throat, and my eyes swell up. 

I easily get overwhelmed by anything relating to past relationships, people, the future, the present, sadness, frustration, anger, and anything that is not happy emotion. 

 I'm just so sick of getting that eye-piercing headache after crying. Crying makes me feel weak and like I can't deal with hard things, even though that is not true. I would rather cry than hold things in, explode, or have unresolved feelings spill into other aspects of my life. I think the first step is holding space for forgiveness for others and myself. As well as letting go of expectations and perfectionism. As humans, we all make mistakes and aren't perfect; sometimes, we forget that we are consistently growing and learning from our experiences. 

I discovered writing poems was a good outlet for me. I took a creative writing class last year, and ever since, writing poems has been a helpful way to process my emotions. I think I find it useful because I'm more focused on the creative aspect of making my feelings sound cool rather than a topic I've overthought into oblivion. 

I relate to artists like Summer, Sza, and Mariah. It's like they went into my subconscious, pulled out every negative emotion I've ever had, and made beautiful music to the tragedies that are my emotions. So dramatic, I know. But this is truly how I feel about their music. 

I love many artists who write beautiful poems to melodic tunes about love and loss, anger, happiness, and everything in between. Honorable mention goes to men like Frank Ocean, Leon Thomas, and Giveon. 

I could choose from many niche RnB/Neo-Soul/Alt artists with music that evokes the same feelings, like Jozzy, Ambré, Destin Conrad, Rum. Gold and more. I chose these specific women to highlight because of their discography and the impact of their latest albums had on me and my growth as a black woman. 

Summer Walker is known for lyricism, storytelling, and a powerhouse of a voice. The albums "Over It" and "Still Over It" helped me through some trying times when I was severely over it. The albums have been on repeat, and each song touched on a different part of my soul. 

 I found comfort in having her music on as background noise or hearing her voice in times of deep sadness. If I had a physical copy, it would be more warned down than Summer herself. 

It's evident that within her music, people have used and abused her heart to the point where she seems to be done, but she continues to go back, which, to me, can be beautifully complex and extremely dangerous. I value truth and authenticity, and within her music, she isn't afraid to write about the lapse of judgment that comes with being in love or infatuated with someone. 

Similar to Summer, another lyrical genius that I love is SZA, and my top artist of the year. Now, SZA is clearly a household name, but her music will withstand the tests of time and will always have a special place in my heart. She has a multitude of songs beyond heartbreak but also themes of negative self-image, anger, the unknown, self-doubt, rejection, sex, friendship, and many more.

"Fearin' not growin' up, Keepin' me up at night. Am I doin' enough? Feel like I'm wastin' time."

It makes life easier to bear knowing there is a song that perfectly describes one of the atrocities that keeps me up at night. "What do I do with my life?" Prom is a song for all the confused young people. It gives a sense of camaraderie that what I'm feeling isn't crazy or unique to me. Life is about trial and error; growing pains are uncomfortable but won't kill you. Like many young people, "CTRL" has profoundly impacted my youth. She perfectly encapsulates the confusion of entering adulthood with each song on that album. I would be remiss not to talk about "SOS." I believe "SOS" is a more mature version of “CTRL”, with profound imagery, storytelling, and risk. I say risk because she has always written brutally honest songs. She isn't unafraid to speak from an element of low morale and self-worth. This is a taboo topic because no one wants to admit that we feel a little crazy sometimes. 

I've loved Summer and SZA for years, and this new album evokes the same feelings that remind me so much of my favorites. 

I've been a casual listener of Mariah, the Scientists, for the past couple of years, and I loved the hits like "Spread Thin" and "2 You", but the new album felt mature and something that aligned with where I'm at in life. Soon, I went from being a causal listener to her becoming a lifelong favorite musician of mine. 

The album "To Be Eaten Alive" has themes of faith, disappointment, miscommunication, self-preservation, hope, and love. Mariah also has a very beautiful way of storytelling that I find so comforting. This album dropped at a time when I needed it the most. Songs like "From A Woman," "Different Pages," and "40 Days in 40 Nights" felt like she asked me what was wrong and decided to write love letters to all the girls hurting. Her music has become extremely relatable to anyone struggling in relationships with others and themselves. 

It should be obvious at this point how important representation is in media. Personally, I find it encouraging to create my own work because of how inspiring and influential successful black women have been to me. 

Music has a unique place in my heart because of the imagery and authenticity artists are willing to show in their music. I used to be a person who only paid attention to the sound and beats of music, which I still do. Nowadays, I find it hard to be in my own brain, so listening to lyrics distracts me from ruminating on hopeless thoughts. 

I would love to do a deep dive into Neo-Sol artists who replenish my soul, helping me feel lighter and healthier after listening to their music. I appreciate these women's work because of their ability and imagery that validates our emotions. 

I don't know what my life entails, but I want people to relate to my words the way these women have helped me so much. I always say my authenticity will be my superpower, including my sensitivity, boundaries, and personhood. After writing this post and going into a deep dive into my favorite music, I realize I don’t lack creative outlets. It's writing, listening to music, dancing, designing, and talking to friends.

Now, I can expel emotions like Summer, Sza, and Mariah.